Why Russian Women Don’t Marry Russian Men
One of the pleasures of visiting Russia is that there are just so many single women. It’s like they’re all on special offer. But then you get to thinking: ‘what’s wrong with all these girls?’
If you ever enquire why a woman isn’t married, you will always get the same litany of complaints about Russian men. ‘Oh, Russian men! Zey are all drunks. Zey ‘as no monnay. Zey ‘as no clue about ze gee spot. And so on.
The writer Tatiana Shcherbina (pictured) is scathing in depth. She writes:
Do you know what hell and paradise are like? They are described well in one and perhaps the only international anecdote: hell is British cuisine, French equipment, German bureaucracy, an American lover and the Italian police, while paradise is French cuisine, German equipment, the British bureaucracy, the American police, and an Italian lover.
There are many variants, but still without anything Russian. However we can describe hell without outside help. It is merely a consequence, a by-product of the activity of one infernal creature – the Russian man.
Tatiana puts a lot down to history. The anihilation of men that began in Russia with the first World War and the Civil War continued through the purges of Lenin and Stalin to WW2 and Afghanistan. As a result, women became adept at bringing up families without any help. The only males around were sons who were prized, pampered and ultimately spoiled. ‘The son of a single mother is the deity to whom she makes her sacrifice, a tsar who should never trouble himself.’ This apparently is how the Russian son has grown up to be a waste of space as a husband.
To be fair, the single mothers of Russia - dubbed the ‘tank women’ by the poet Nekrasov - have brought it on themselves. But since history is irreversible, Russian women prefer to look for foreign partners. Tatiana writes:
Among the various natural resources exported today from Russia there is one which is unique – the Russian woman. She could represent Russia in paradise. Loving, patient, unpretentious and hardworking, the Russian wife is valued all over the world.
She is smart and obliging and gives herself up to the world market trying to escape the nightmare of some Russian husband at home.
Hmmm. The flaw in the argument is, of course, that no one’s perfect and foreign men simply have a different set of faults as well as cultural and historical baggage. Tatiana’s idealisation of foreign men - not uncommon in Russia - is as false as many American males’ preception of Russian tank women as ‘cosy traditional wives’.
I came across this reality check the other day by Roger Wiegel.
In the past twenty years we as Americans have disconnected from everything in our lives except money. It started with failing to realize the importance of familial relationships and progressed to gender role confusion and reversal.
There are now no role models in the home. In many cases, men are no longer men, the protector and provider, and women are no longer women, the nurturer and caregiver. The man who is a strong head of household is now considered a dinosaur by our society.
What started the international dating scene were the people who were frustrated with the choices and felt an emptiness in their daily lives here in the U.S. The sad thing is that although Americans say they want relationships we are often just too busy, too preoccupied, and just too self-absorbed in many cases.
Many American men believe that they will find strong family structures with Russian women, when in fact there have been hardly any traditional family structures in Russia since 1917. Equally, girls looking for American husbands to take over the tank role will be disappointed. Do any tanking around the house in the US and you’d probably get put in the slammer by feminists.
It’s always amusing that so many East-West dates believe they will rescue each other from the local product. When really it is about the same as being rescued from the Titanic by the Hindenburg.
See also: Russian Women At A Glance and Soviet Women FAQs
copydude - apologies for commenting on this after your assault on more weighty subjects.
I think your core point is right, but the core mismatch is even bigger. Russian women acquire their man through a diet of cigarettes, fluttering eyelids and lack of clothing they are entering in to a trade. I sell you my looks, you provide cash. Then, if Moscow is anything to go by, both then continue sexual relations with whomsoever. Which genetically makes complete sense.
Western men turn up and completely misunderstand the trade and end up looking a little confused when 25 year-old cigratte thin, fluttering eyelid beauty seems less than 100% happy with her 40 year-old divorcee who, having misunderstood the trade, fails to open the bank account and turn a blind eye.
Watched a 100% perfect example over New Year on return from Maldives; v. sad.
Er, Ruminator. This is a weighty subject too
I agree that the ‘trade’ is hopelessly misunderstood. Along with the notion of the thoroughly modern dyev that money and self-respect are inextricably linked. But that’s probably another ‘weighty topic’ in itself.
Very true.
I think there are illusions on both sides. But there is something Pushkin wrote long time ago:
‘There is no need to cheat on me
I’m glad to be cheated myself.’
While I think there’s a certain amount of truth to what Ms. Scherbina writes, I think it may be a bit over-egged. For one thing, who among us (other than me) has not been impressed by some of the daily acts of gallantry he or she has witnessed on the part of Russian men? Even if it’s only offering a hand to an unknown woman getting off a tramvai, I always find it rather charming.
In addition, I find that Western men are a little too eager to heap abuse on Russian men, perhaps as a way to explain to themselves why these lovely Russian gamines often end up with them. I don’t they’re as bad, or Westerners are so brill as they tend to think.
ummmmnnnfff, The Italian mom is the mother of all son-spoiling moms. The more she is rich and from a middle-upper class family the more she spoils. Tovarisha Tatiana should investigate deeper about the hitting-gee-point and other devushkas’ complaints.
[...] Copydude writes on “why Russian women don’t marry Russian men.” Veronica Khokhlova [...]
[...]When really it is about the same as being rescued from the Titanic by the Hindenberg.[...]
Plueeze, what is a ‘Hindenberg’ ? The German version of the ‘Lousytania’ ?
The Hindenberg was the giant German airship which suffered a tragic fire while landing after a transatlantic flight in 1937
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindenburg_disaster
Dear Copydude, I know about the ‘Hindenburg’, and your link directs to the ‘Hindenburg’. I am simply amused that you keep writing ‘Hindenberg’ not ‘Hindenburg’. Never mind
I stand corrected. Thanks for the edit.
Don’t worry, it’s just a little error in a generally excellent blog. Keep up the good work.
russian women don’t bother vast majority of women on both sides are well fed by the media so know exactly what they want. No difference between their needs and a western woman - and that is high maintenance.
Instead buy a cool pad, couple of classic cars or bikes. Study a foreign language and tour around, keep fit, eat well and invest time in yourself more rewarding.
a family is a financial commitment to expensive and over priced to bother with.
Unlesss your 85 with to much money,guess that will do it!
Men will need to have more respect for themselves and stop sucking up to women. Life has many cool things to offer and along the way you can make many friends to keep you occupied.
i want a russian girl
Where can I find a russian husband site, hmm?
[...] The anihilation of men that began in Russia with the first World War and the Civil War continued through the purges of Lenin and Stalin to WW2 and Afghanistan. As a result, women became adept at bringing up families without any help. … …Read More [...]
[...] The anihilation of men that began in Russia with the first World War and the Civil War continued through the purges of Lenin and Stalin to WW2 and Afghanistan. As a result, women became adept at bringing up families without any help. … …Read More [...]
[...] , French equipment, German bureaucracy, an American lover and the Italian police, while paradise is French cuisine, German equipment, … …Read More [...]
[...] They are described well in one and perhaps the only international anecdote: hell is British cuisine, French equipment, German bureaucracy, an American lover and the Italian police, while paradise is French cuisine, German equipment, … …Read More [...]
Actually the anecdote involiving Russian peculiarities sounds like this: What is hell? - Chinese house, English cuisine, Russian salary and American wife. So what is paradise then? - American salary, Chinese cuisine, English house and…Russian wife. Good luck to everybody to get a Russian wife!
DON`T LISTEN TO THIS DORK-ITS ALL BULLSHIT!!!
Russian women are wonderful to marry, you just have to find the right one.
I personally know several couples who have married abroad and as happy as hell-end of story.
Check the divorce rates…get a second opinion.
This writer would probably leave you for dead.
http://english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/359/13194_divorce.html
too many divorce rates and only men are to be blamed. Funny ah! If you ask russian men, they will say that women look for foreign men just for money. I personally met few russian men and they are good. Infact, many russian men are patriotic and they die against German gunfire to save their country.
(The other side of the grass is always looks green. But beware there are lot of dangers on the way)
The single leading cause of death in Russian men is Russian women!
I do not know if you have ever seen the advertisements for the “Mail Order” bride sites, truly I say to you that there has never been more deceitful information posted on the web then 1 of those sites! They talk about how loyal Russian women are, how they just want a nice guy, they do not care about a man’s appearance. Please some one get me my boots because it is getting deep! These things might be true for the women who stay in Russia; even then it is stretching it! Maybe then you should ask yourselves why Russian men like their garages so much.
A few of my friends have been married to Russian brides and 3 of them had to go bankrupt because they could not afford the spending sprees their new wife was taking!
Russian men in general can be very charming, tender, and protective. They can be very easy to spoil due to their laid back nature. Russian men need to feel appreciated, trusted, supported and encouraged, not to mention they need to feel admired.
Honestly I say to all the readers of this website, I would be an alcoholic too if I was married to a Russian woman!
It’s true that Russian men suck. As do American men. So do Russian women. And American women, of course. In fact, all men suck. And all women. Ain’t it fun to be a misanthrope?
Actually, in all seriousness, as a Russian woman (who is living abroad, and no, it wasn’t a mail-order marriage or any kind of relationship that brought me here), I would not want a relationship with a Russian man, since the culture of sexism is too prevalent in the Russian society. I am well aware of the fact that not all Russian men are sexist, but even if some aren’t, some of their friends and family are guaranteed to be. So unless the man is like me and tries to have as little as possible to do with the Russian community, I’ll end up being immersed into the Russian culture which, while having its many positives, by default includes sexism (as well as other undesirable - for me - elements, like political conservatism, intolerance towards certain minorities etc.).
Now, Russian brand sexism is typically far less blatant and offensive than many. Most Russians, at least in circles my family traditionally revolved, believe that women should get a good education and a career, that in by and large women should have equal rights - fortunately, this is not the Taliban we’re talking here. However, the majority of household chores in Russian families is done by women; viewing women as sexual objects is standard in many situations; and there is a belief that women ultimately are incapable of performing many traditionally male tasks, whether it be driving or computer programming. Sure, Americans have jokes about women who can’t drive (and I’m not saying there’s no sexism in the U.S.), but overall the attitude is completely different. Can you imagine an American teenaged girl wondering if she should even bother getting her licence, because she thinks she’s not supposed to drive because of her gender?
My own father is not a bad man at all. He is a good, intelligent, kind man who loves his family. Yet during my whole childhood I felt his (and the rest of my family’s) influence to better fit the girly stereotypes which, as an absolute tomboy, I had zero interest in. I played soccer (well, tried to - the Russian boys also had ideas about girls weren’t supposed to do, and soccer was one such thing… and girls didn’t play soccer, so I had trouble finding me a team). I climbed trees. I dreamt about being a pilot, a soldier, a locomotive engineer - I’m just naturally attracted to adventurous pursuits. And throughout my whole childhood I heard from my family (and others) “Nope, can’t do that. You’re a girl; girls aren’t supposed to do this.” And then they wondered why I threw tantrums yelling “I don’t want to be a girl!” And now they wonder why I don’t want to date Russian guys.
[...] “If you ask russian men, they will say that women look for foreign men just for money. …… [...]
Like anything, it’s not black and white. One must look at the situation from a Western man’s perspective as well. As noted, many men go dashing over to Russia and Ukraine completely unaware of the potential pitfalls that await them.
However, for the informed man who knows what he is looking for and where he should be looking for it, he can find a superb, SLIM, sexy wife in Russia. If one can develop the ability to think with the big head and not the little one, much success and happiness can be had.
I am English, my wife is Russian. We live between England and Estonia and have a young baby. What can I say? Life is good. I am a regular radio guest on this subject across the US and the UK and my wife and I are authors of “Russian Bride Guide - How to Meet, Court and Marry a Woman from the Former Soviet Union”
chephy said the funniest things so far. The truest too. people are people with all of their illusions and disastrous conclusions.
I’m a half Russian Woman(my mother IS a REAL Russian woman)..born an American. Does this apply to me? Even halfway? Are half the world’s mail order grooms going to call?
As someone else up there said… it’s about money.. Sadly.. that’s really all it’s about, wherever you are in the world.
Katrina Constance Alexandria Rasputant
I love this, “The single leading cause of death in Russian men is Russian women!” haha!!! Ironically, the idea reversed is also true. Perhaps it is not men or women but the circumstance of Love that kills and torments us, poor humans … I feel for Russian men but female solidarity does not allow me to speak too much on the subject. I have to say though that Russian women are generally complicated and demanding of themselves but especially their marriage partners.
I’m a Russian woman and Russian men are my number one choice.
Yes there are some that drink and are alcoholics. I think no race is perfect.
But I cant stand American men. I think there are some good ones but most are so watered down and so passive. And the American women are the worst. They are so feminist and controlling!! American men are always seen as stupid fat sports obsessed men in american commercials while the American women are the ones who know it all and are very beautiful. It seems women in America are treated very well yet women still complain about being equal and such. I find it very annoying. Anyway a lot of Russian men that I know are very masculine and dominant. They treat women like gentlemen and are very charming. Also some of them are actually attractive. They are intelligent and very humorous. I live in America and most American men that I meet cannot compare to the Russian men I know.
well…i dont knw anyhting about russian men’s attitude or american men’s…..well i had a russian boyfriend…thats y i just got intersted about the topic.lol..i am an Asian(Indian)…i would like to tell that ppl living in west give priority to sex…i knew many russian men who were here in my country and sleeping with prostitutes…cuz no Indian woman of a prestigious family would go for sleeping with an unknown man..bt i think in Russia it so common..eg.”2day i met u;lets sleep together”….u ppl are making urselves so cheap!!!!i am very happy that i was not born as a WHITE girl…
eg.”2day i met u;lets sleep together”
What? They waited around 2 days to get turned down? What fools.
There is nothing more boring than a planned, calculated romance.
Well, except for watching sports…
my wife is from St Pertersburh, Russia she bendhere for
14 yr we started date 7yr ago. atfer 2 mo. we were married.
I am 64 yr old she is 61 yr old. were enjoy each day we
spend to gether. she did not speck english when she come here. sShe is one smart person.She is an Eng. with math. skills that , as i put it put a missele in your window.
she can not do that work here because you need to be a usa
citezen from brith.she is one how. She pass collage english with an A that all she know about is A grade. great singer were aunt were opera singer in Russia. Her jokes (Russian) and MY joke (
american) made for a very fun time. i have learn too enjoy thcallasical music and the Russian orthodox chruch were go to
she great have fun
I am happily married to a Russian women for 7+ years. Go for it guys, you won’t regret it.
[...] Nice article about why Russian women don’t marry Russian men. [...]
Russian men might be sexist mongrils, but sure are sexy beasts! They’re good for a few things!!
OK, lets think, why do we choose Russian, wife’s
Because, they are smart, beautiful, charming and educated-don’t think so-
but, because, sexy, young girls are the best ………….wife’s
to have a second sex life
I am 37 years old american Indian and just start talking to a charming girl of age 20 through a website. Do you think 20 years old is to young of a bride.
Too young for you Ratish. Read this topic on age differences.
I think I’ve read same article as you Russian friend did - about wars, Russian men, alone mothers and bla bla bla… it’s just one point of view…
I personally would never say that Russian men are so horrible and bad… we have quiet few of them, yes… but it all depends on your surrounding - some people (women, men) meet only idiots of opposite sex, some find normal partners and are happy. so first part is probably the one who is out looking for some far love…
I’m a 60 year old guy who is besotted with Russian women. However, having been betrayed twice already (not by Russian females), I think I may just take up ‘whatsinaname’s’ advice. Eat well, exercise, learn another language, continue my education in Forensic Documents and don’t suck up to women. Especially the feminist boof-heads that are so prevalant.
It’s just such a difficult call to stay on one’s own, when there are some most succulent women who are actually genuine, seeking a darling also. robin.catton@gmail.com
I am in love to Natalya in russia my name harold
I love you Natalya she live in Russia and I live in KY USA
Harold
LOVE
Natalya
hi how are you
WELL MY AMERICAN SON MARRIED A RUSSIAN. SHE THINKS SHE IS QUEEN AND HE IS SOMEONE THAT SHE CAN BLEED DRY. HE WORKS FROM 2:00 PM UNTIL MIDNIGHT, AND DOES SIDE JOBS BEFORE WORK. HE GETS UP WITH THE KIDS IN THE MORNING WHILE THE LAZY ASS SLEEPS. SHE DOES NOTHING AS FAR AS HOUSE WORK, DOESN’T COOK AND HEAVEN FORBID SHE WORK IN THE YARD. THE ONLY TIME HE IS NOT RUNNING AROUND DOING EVERYTHING IS THE FEW HOURS HE GETS TO SLEEP. YOU NEED TO KEEP YOU FRIGGIN IN RUSSIA AND LEAVE OUR AMERICAN SONS ALONG, YOU ARE PATHEIC HUMAN BEING.
Kathy… I can see your point…. yup.. I’ve heard this story before… but you know.. if you are poor anywhere, the grass looks greener and it’s very easy to find a schnook who will take you to his greener patch if you’ve got the looks… so I guess that’s what happened in your and other cases.
All Russian women are whores that suck the life out of any man she can find. I am Russian. We have no religion, hence, no spirituality. All we want is power and money. After not having it for so long, that is all we desire. If you are ugly and fat, even have a million sexual diseases…we will do ANYTHING if you have money. Once we are done with you, we will move on to the next guy…even if it is your father, brother, or best friend. Life is a game and we play it. We use and abuse…then sit on your yachts after we divorce you and laugh with all our East European friends about how stupid you all were. So if you are looking for love…we are the best actresses at making you believe anything. Just do not be surprised if you are penniless at the end.
All Russian and Moldavian woman want your money and act as a sex slave to get it.
Once we have our papers and your money…we are happy to move on. Since we were not raised with a religion, we have no conscious when we leave you (even if it is for your brother or best friend).
We look hot until we get our man, then we do not care about our body’s. Remember, we have a steady diet of potatoes and vodka. If we need to find another husband at a later age, there is always plastic surgery.
We laugh at your Western men. And when we divorce you, we sit on our yachts and drink cocktails with the rest of our Eastern girlfriends enjoying life. We laugh even harder at American women…for being so dumb.
It is easy girls, if you have a pussy, heels, and can make men believe they are King, your money is yours!
To Annushka Golddigger,
If all you say is true,I wonder what will be left to Mel Gibson after divorcing his new beautify Russian Wife.She seam to have a taste for wealthy Irish men.She was previously married to a James bond actor.
Annushka, I enjoyed your sarcasm…but I know quite a few Russian girls who did exactly what you described. Additionally, after getting their green cards/passports and their not-so-intelligent American ex-husbands’ money, they married surprise surprise - Russian men…or American men with more money. I am a non-Russian Eastern European who has lived in the US for many years. Not a man brought me here but my job. Unfortunately, I have been dating only Americans because it is hard to find eligible single Europeans here. I am not interested in yachts and stuff but have had sincere hopes to meet a decent guy and get married. What can I tell you, sister, American dudes are like comic strip characters. I have never seen so much stupidity and lack of imagination in one place. I guess they do deserve to be used and abused by your countryladies:) And American men are not THAT crazy about Russian/Eastern European girls either. Americans as a whole are lazy, ignorant and not receptive to cultural compromises and changes. One of my exes for instance, was very excited about dating me in the beginning, then broke up with me only because I refused to watch baseball and listen to country music. Talking about an MBA working for the government, not your usual Midwest cornfields mutta. Another one (lawyer) lost interest because he could not deal with my accent (and I speak fluent English).
If you have info about Russian men looking for wives, give it to me, please!
PHD - I think the men on ruadventures.com would be VERY interested you hear your comments and experiences.