Despite the fabled sexual exploits of Russian Women, it isn’t resulting in a whole heap of babies.

At least every couple of weeks you will read some news story about Russia’s demographic meltdown. Yet another article I came across only yesterday: ‘Russia’s Depopulation Time Bomb‘.

Yes, likely there will be millions fewer Russians in 2050 than now.

Many theories are advanced, citing everything from the lack of suitable partners to the idea that skinny culture has Darwinistically removed childbearing hips from Russia’s dyevs.

There’s plenty of free advice for Russia too. In the Hindu Times, a leading feminist, believes that Indian men are the answer.

Maria Arbatova, writer and TV moderator, has proposed a radical solution to the falling birth rate — importing Indian bridegrooms for Russian girls. Maria married an Indian businessman a few years ago ‘after 25 years of marrying Russians’ and discovered that Indian men make ideal husbands.

‘They are crazy about family and children,’ she said. ‘What is more, Indian bridegrooms can help ward off a Chinese demographic invasion in Russia. If we do not balance off the Chinese with Indians, Africans or aliens, by 2050 China will annex Russia’s Siberia up to the Ural Mountains.’

She could have a point, because the BBC reports that international size condoms are too big for an Indian-sized penis. Ergo, a chance of an accidental boost to the Russian population is greater with Indian lovers. I guess it’s just unfortunate that most Russians aren’t too comfortable around ‘tinted folk’.

A common cliche is that russophobes always single out Russia’s declining population as a bad thing, or certainly a reflection on Vlad the Bad. Yet all European families are downsizing. And thank goodness, say countries with armies of jobless.

Preston Saks, however, insists that the US will be stronger than Russia because it is still pumping out babies, while Russia, fast approaching just 100 million people, soon won’t have any young leaders at all. I wonder if this guy has ever heard of Holland, pop. just 14 million, where there’s some political activist at every tram stop. A lot of these arguments hold as much water as a paper bag.

The Time Bomb article puts drink at the heart of the problem. But the facts suggest quite another conclusion.

Between 1976 and 1991, the last sixteen years of Soviet power, the country recorded 36 million births. In the sixteen post-Communist years of 1992–2007, there were just 22.3 million, a drop in childbearing of nearly 40 percent from one era to the next.

On the other side of the life cycle, a total of 24.6 million deaths were recorded between 1976 and 1991, while in the first sixteen years of the post-Communist period the Russian Federation tallied 34.7 million deaths, a rise of just over 40 percent.

The symmetry is striking: in the last sixteen years of the Communist era, births exceeded deaths in Russia by 11.4 million; in the first sixteen years of the post-Soviet era, deaths exceeded births by 12.4 million.

Well, that’s pretty clear. Capitalism is bad for your health.