Curonia! What kind of Edward Lear place is that. Sounds like somewhere the Jumblies might live. They might as well, since no one else lives here.

This ‘nature conservation area’ of the Curonian spit (Kurshskaya Kosa) is notable since it’s the one region of Kaliningrad Oblast where the militsi don’t jump out from behind trees with a stop sign and a swag bag. Instead, tourists are fined at a border post before entering. Presumably the money is later divided up amongst the militsi at some annual Policeman’s Ball.

On the map, the Curonian Spit looks like a great drive . . . with sea on either side of this amazing sandspit. In fact, the reality is rather different. The road itself - which goes all the way to the Lithuanian border - is mostly tree-lined and viewless. (Tip: build an elevated section.)

Every now and then, you stop at designated parking places and walk . . . one way to the Baltic shore, or the other way to climb the dunes for a vantage point. Unfortunately, it’s usually too far to walk in either direction carrying enough picnic accessories for a good al fresco lunch. A bottle of wine and some sandy sandwiches is your only real option.

One or two hotels have sprung up along this route. (No camping allowed.) I stopped for a pot of tea at a nice-looking place which had ‘Welcome!’ translated into five languages. ‘Mozhna milk and sugar?’ I asked. ‘Yes, but that will be extra’. If you can’t take a joke, you really shouldn’t go to Kaliningrad.